


The Title of Badass

by TheEclecticSoul



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 21:22:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15871983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEclecticSoul/pseuds/TheEclecticSoul
Summary: ONESHOT. Prompt for Mass Effect Kink. Admiral Hackett passing on the title of badass.





	The Title of Badass

“Where the hell did you find this bottle?” the admiral asked in surprised, tilting his head slightly as something flew right by his head. “Vintage from what I can tell.”

“Been saving it, Steven,” Aria replied with a smirk. “Open the bottle, I’ll get the glasses.” With a shrug Admiral Steven Hackett reached over the bar and picked up a wine opener. Aria picked up two wine glasses, pausing as Shepard slammed a Blue Suns mercenary onto the bar and punched the turian a few times in the face before yanking him up and throwing him out of the way. Humming to herself Aria sidled over to the admiral and took her seat across from the man.

“There we go,” Hackett murmured as he popped the cork out of the bottle. Both of them raised their arms, glasses and wine in their hands when a human was thrown into their table. Shepard stomped over to them, gave a quiet apology as he yanked the mercenary up and threw him at another turian, knocking the two to the ground. He also righted their table then ran back.

“What a nice young man,” Aria said with a smile as she placed the glasses onto the table.

“Of course,” Hackett agreed, pouring their wine. “Honorable too.” There was the sound of a gunshot and Aria raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t think shooting an enemy in the ass is honorable,” Aria said drily. Hackett looked over to see another human mercenary, rolling on the ground with a hand on his backside. Shepard took the opportunity to kick him in the face, knocking him out before turning. He was instantly tackled by the first turian, sending the two rolling onto the ground

“Eh, he’s Earthborn,” Hackett said with a shrug. “Shooting the enemy in the ass is fair game in a fight. Has it been almost forty years now?”

“I think so,” Aria answered then took a sip of the wine. “Ooh, now that’s a good bottle.”

“Very.” There was the sound of glass shattering as Shepard slammed a bottle of booze over the turian’s head. The turian stumbled back and Shepard punched him in the face. “You hadn’t taken over Omega yet, had you?”

“No, I think that was a couple years later.” Switching the glass to her other hand, Aria leaned forward as the turian was thrown into the wall behind her. She grabbed his head and, using a touch of biotics, slammed the turian’s head into the wall, leaving him to slide unconscious onto the ground. “You were on a mission, weren’t you?”

“No, I think I was on shore leave,” Hackett said after a moment. He took a sip of his wine with one hand while he took out his pistol and casually shot a Blue Suns mercenary in the foot. The man howled, only to be cut off when Shepard threw another Blue Suns mercenary at him. “Got into a bar fight here too.”

“I know. I was there too. I believe you are going senile, Steven,” Aria said with a laugh. “Oh, and that was a great fight too, especially when you kicked that one batarian in the crotch.” Hackett barked out a laugh, pistol-whipping one of the men getting up from the ground in the face. The door swished open and ten more mercenaries, Eclipse this time, rushed in, guns drawn. Shepard let out an exasperated groan and ducked behind the bar as the mercenaries opened fired at him.

“I don’t remember it being this noisy,” Hackett complained, draining his glass. He picked up the bottle, refilling his glass while Shepard leaned out from the bar and shot a couple of the mercenaries in the legs, sending them crashing onto the ground.

“Young people these days,” Aria agreed with a heavy sigh. Shepard tossed a flash bang and both Hackett and Aria winced at the brightness, hearing the confused shouts from the Eclipse. “Are you going to be retiring soon?”

“I’d rather not,” Hackette replied honestly, “but Donnel’s been driving David up the wall recently and apparently I’m the buffer. Shooting and punching people in the face is so much easier than politics.”

“Politics is never fun.” By now Shepard had taken out six of the mercenaries and was busy trying not to get shot by the last four. “Oh, he’s doing a fine job, isn’t he?”

“Those Eclipse aren’t very good fighters, are they?” Hackett mused. “Shepard hasn’t used his biotics at all. Would you like a refill?”

“Thank you.” Shepard managed to get to one of the Eclipse, taking out a second with a shot to the head before tossing the one he had into the other two. He ran over to them as they struggled to get up and kicked the salarian in the head. “He’s a smart one – always go for the salarian first, they’re such a pain to fight.”

“I think salarians are a pain in general,” Hackett muttered into his drink.

“This is about that one you caught me in bed with, isn’t it?” Shepard kneed one of the last two men in the gut before flipping him onto his back then squared off with the last one. The mercenary looked around then turned to run away. Hackett turned, shot the man in the leg then went back to his conversation.

“Well, there was that,” Hackett answered with a shrug, “but try talking to the one on the Council. His head is so far up his ass and you’d still need a god-damn pickaxe and canary to get anything out of him.” Shepard walked over to the injured man, patted his shoulder then punched him into the face, rendering him unconscious. With a quick look around the now-destroyed bar, Shepard sidled back over to the door and looked outside. 

“Crap,” they heard the commander mutter as he turned and quickly grabbed thermal clips from the fallen, dropping some onto the table for Hackett and Aria.

“Sorry, just a precaution, sir, ma’am,” Shepard said. “It may get a little noisy, excuse me.” He dived behind the bar again just as another ten Eclipse mercenaries entered the bar shooting.

“What a nice young man,” Aria repeated with a smile.

“We try to make good men like Shepard,” Hackett agreed. He turned to look at the bar. “Shepard! Is there any food there?” There was lull in the gunfire as the Eclipse mercenaries all seemed to stare at Hackett and Aria in complete disbelief.

“No, sir!” Shepard returned after a moment. “I think they all got shot up.” The commander suddenly appeared and took down two of the Eclipse men with shots to the head. He ducked back down when the shooting started against and Hackett sighed.

“Should have brought some food, the drink is going to go straight to my head,” he said. Aria laughed, picked up the bottle and—

CRASH!

There was silence between the admiral and the asari as they stared at the sight of the broken wine bottle between them.

“Ah _shit_ ,” Shepard said.

Aria calmly put the broken bottle down and the two got up from their seats, turning to face the Eclipse mercenaries. Hackett casually reloaded his gun while Aria’s biotics began to flare. Five minutes later the two were back in their seats with grumpy expressions, table cleaned of broken glass and wine as Shepard searched the bar. With a quiet “a-hah!” Shepard got up and walked over to their table with three new glasses and a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy.

“Sorry it’s not as good as what you were having,” Shepard said, pouring them the alcohol, “but this is really good stuff.” Both Hackett and Aria took their glass and a drink before Hackett gave a nod.

“Chakwas’s recommendation?” he asked.

“Yes, sir,” Shepard replied, placing the bottle down and picking up his own glass. He glanced over his shoulder at the broken bodies on the ground and rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess I should have used my biotics, you would have still been drinking that wine.”

“A gentleman,” Aria breathed and smiled at Hackett. “You chose well, Steven.”

“Someone has to carry on the title of Bad-Ass of the Alliance,” Hackett replied drily. Aria burst into giggles as Shepard looked between the two in confusion. The admiral turned and placed a hand on the commander’s shoulder, a grave expression on his face. “Congratulations, son. I know you’re already doing great stuff as a Spectre, but if you work with Aria I’m sure you’ll do even better.”

“I believe epic is the word,” Aria mused. “I’m looking forward to working with you, Shepard.”

“Uh,” Shepard replied, eyes flicking between the admiral and the asari. “Okay?”

“Good. Now go find that bartender, I could use another drink,” Hackett ordered then looked around. “And someone to clean up the mess. Did we really take five minutes to take out those merc? Those Eclipse aren’t much of a fight.”


End file.
